I over the past several years have become the worlds WORST worry wart. I mean I've always had my qualms but NEVER were they ever to the extreme that they are today. I have always had no patience but in the idea of when I wanted fun things or clothes and etc. I didn't want to wait. I have sat and gave this a little thought and have figured out that most of these feeling and etc. started after my brother passed away in April of 2007. Prior to that life was great! I mean it was getting great! At that time in my life I had my family, friends and everything I could want or ask for. I was happy go lucky! What's crazy to me it how much loosing a close family member impacts you in ways that you can't even recognize. I have lost friends, other family members but loosing my brother was it for me. It's been 5 years and I don't know how to get the old me back. I don't know how to work through those worries and anxiety's. Here are a few examples:
Storms: I LOVE the idea of thunderstorms and I love the idea of being home on rainy days, in jemmies and watching movies and vegging out! But when I am trying to sleep at night my greatest fear is TORNADO!!! I Never would even think of them before! Needless to say I have a weather alert on my iPhone and plenty apps weather related.
Sickness: I am so bad with this one. No matter what the issue with me, I'm dying. WHY???? I must give myself a little credit. Ever since Brayden was born he has had the flu twice and Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease (Horribly), twice and also, wheezing and issues there where he was on breathing treatments. I seem to remain calm and take care of my baby like I'm a pro at it. Yes, I am upset he's sick but, don't let me get sick or have any aches or pains.
Brayden School: All this chaos in the world today has me freaking about not wanting to send B to school. I would LOVE to possibly home school but I fear that will he be well rounded without the interaction of other students. He's made great friends at daycare and that's awesome to me. He's only 2 I know but I've met the parents and they are just great, friendly and super sweet. It didn't take me long to figure out who his buddy's are there and i just love it! I don't want to release my child to the public - school shootings. I mean we can't even go to a movie theatre anymore without getting shot up! WTH do I do. I want to make the right choice. I have time to mull this one over and make a good decision I hope. We are looking to move into a different school district one that is better than where we live right now and into one that I have read up on that he will actually get an education from (if we are not home schooling)
Shopping: I generally have NO fear when I am out shopping. I pay attention to all my surroundings and just keep on. I don't usually ever go in the evenings alone. I find myself thinking how I am more a target because I am occupied with a toddler. Not so on guard anymore. Distracted per say.
I need to get myself under control and CALM down before it really kills me!! Stress is a horrible killer. Without taking pills, any ideas??
I read this story the other day and it brought me to tears, it made me think even more than I already do. How do I turn of my thinking cap when need be and think when I actually should be thinking?!?!?!
http://triadmomsonmain.com/_blog/My_Blog/post/It's_About_That_Time
Girl, I hear you. If I let myself really start thinking about things I can get all worked up and ready to move into a cave. But the truth of it is that God is in control. I know that sounds cliche, but there are moments when I actually grasp its truth. And if I really believe He is in control and that He loves me than why am I worrying? It doesn't mean things won't be hard - but it does mean that I can let God handle that. All of it. And the times I actually let go of my imagined control, I am SO much more happy-go-lucky. Oh, that I could be that way all the time. :)
ReplyDeleteHang in there - look to the Lord for comfort. He has all of the answers, whether or not He decides to share them with us. All we have to do is sit back and let Him lead the way.
I am the same way, I can stress out over the smallest thing. It has gotten better though as my boys have gotten older and it is much better than it was when I just had one :) Saw your post on bloggy moms and following you now. I look forward to your future posts!
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